|
Don't say it around the kids
A first grade teacher had a small number of children gathered
around a table for a reading group. After the story was read
she gave the children a work sheet to do.
While they were working she heard a little girl say very softly,
"Damn!"
The teacher leaned over and said quietly, "We don't say
that in school."
The little girl looked at the teacher, her eyes got very big
and she said, "Not even when everything is all fucked up?"
Kill the bald guy?
Once there were three babys still inside the uterus of their
mother.
They were all talking and wondering what each other was going
to be when they grew up.
The first baby said, "I want to be a fireman so I can put
fires out."
The next said, "I want to be a carpenter so I can fix this
place up."
The last one said, "I want to be a hunter so I can kill
that bald headed bastard that keeps popping in and out of here!".
|
Don't look in junior's room
One day Mom was cleaning junior's room and in the closet she
found a bondage S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for
her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed
it to him.
He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. So
she asked him, "What should we do about this?"
Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should
spank him."
Gotta be smarter then the cops!
One night during the local deer hunting season a police officer
was staking out a particularly rowdy country bar for possible
DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a deer hunter tumble
out of the bar, trip on the curb, then try his keys in five different
cars before he found his. He sat in the front seat fumbling
around with his keys for several minutes. All the other
deer hunters
|
left the bar and drove off. Finally he started
his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was
waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights
and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed
a reading of 0.00. The puzzle officer demanded to know
how that could be.
The deer hunter replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
Best pointer in the world
Joe owned one of the finest bird dogs ever seen. It had won
many trophies over the years. One day, Joe got a call from a
friend named Bob, who asked if he could borrow the dog to go
pheasant hunting on saturday.
Well, Joe told him that he never loaned his dog to hunt, and
asked Bob if he had ever hunted with a dog. Bob said "Oh
sure, grew up hunting with a dog". "Well then, you're
a pretty good friend, I guess you can use him", Joe agreed.
Saturday, Bob showed up, and Joe brought out his champion dog
and loaded him in the truck."Good luck", Joe said,"hope
you brought plenty of shells, see you later".
That evening, Bob came back to Joe's, and Joe came out to meet
them. "Well, how many did you get?", Joe asked. "We
didn't get any" Bob shouted. "That's unbelievable"
Joe exclaimed.
Bob said,"Yea, it was the funniest thing, we got there,
I loaded my gun, I let out your dog and we started hunting. All
of a sudden, your dog stopped. He had his head pointing straight
forward, his ears were straight forward, his back was straight
as an arrow, his tail was pointing straight back, his one paw
was lifted up off the ground, and he just stood there. Couple
quick kicks in the ass broke him of that shit".
That's it for this issue.
|
